I just finished watching the classic Sex in the City. (Can we just take a moment to admire the one and only- Carrie Bradshaw?) Now, as I lay in bed, I can’t help but think about my love situation and wish that it wasn’t so damn complicated.
I am in love with a man. This man is in love with me.
What’s the issue?
It’s not the right time… for me.
I mean what the f*ck (excuse my language, I’m trying to not cuss as much, but it is a work in progress).
I have been in love with the same boy since my junior year of high school. Our relationship wasn’t perfect. Hell, it was very, very far from it. We struggled. A ton. Despite our struggles, we somehow managed to push through- for a whopping (almost) 3 years.
I was happy.
I am not sure when I began to feel differently. I guess it had to be a slow progression.
Talking about this relationship is quite hard to do, as I am not even sure what our relationship has become or if I am even ready to separate myself from that point of my life.
Though, I can’t stop but dislike myself from wanting to even be alone.
Is that selfish of me? To distance myself from this relationship in hope of finding a better me?
No. I don’t think so.
Even so, I still can’t help but think otherwise.
I left you in hopes of finding a better me.
But everyday, I question whether that was the right choice.
Did I make the wrong decision?
Am I searching for a girl who cannot be found?
Or am I losing the guy who I was so graciously lucky to find?