I just finished watching the classic Sex in the City. (Can we just take a moment to admire the one and only- Carrie Bradshaw?) Now, as I lay in bed, I can’t help but think about my love situation and wish that it wasn’t so damn complicated. 

I am in love with a man. This man is in love with me. 

What’s the issue?

It’s not the right time… for me.

I mean what the f*ck (excuse my language, I’m trying to not cuss as much, but it is a work in progress).

I have been in love with the same boy since my junior year of high school. Our relationship wasn’t perfect. Hell, it was very, very far from it. We struggled. A ton. Despite our struggles, we somehow managed to push through- for a whopping (almost) 3 years. 

I was happy.

I am not sure when I began to feel differently. I guess it had to be a slow progression.

Talking about this relationship is quite hard to do, as I am not even sure what our relationship has become or if I am even ready to separate myself from that point of my life.

Though, I can’t stop but dislike myself from wanting to even be alone.

Is that selfish of me? To distance myself from this relationship in hope of finding a better me?

No. I don’t think so.

Even so, I still can’t help but think otherwise.

I left you in hopes of finding a better me.

But everyday, I question whether that was the right choice.

Did I make the wrong decision?

Am I searching for a girl who cannot be found?

Or am I losing the guy who I was so graciously lucky to find?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s